We’ve all seen it before: The guy walking through the mall with the incredibly hot girl on his arm that’s way out of his league. Every head turns not only to look at her but to analyze who she’s with to try to understand what exactly he could’ve possible done to obtain her. The first thing that comes to mind is he must be loaded, but surely every attractive female can’t be a money hungry gold-digger, right?

Fortunately, that is right.

That is just one example out of many. What about the guy at your job that gets the promotion over you that you were just sure you had locked up, or the guy that is the life of the party when you can’t get someone to even notice (or care) that you’re there?

Desite their targets and goals being different, there is one common factor that ties together all of the aforementioned: They sold themselves well enough to the approriate party to get what they desired.

We are a society of constant analyzation and scrutiny. And those that say they don’t do it are usually the guiltiest parties. It’s human nature. While some certainly do it much more than others, it can’t be avoided completely. Men tend compare their possessions and accomplishments, while women constantly analyze and scrutinize each other’s looks, make-up, bodies, and clothing.

You are constantly selling yourself to everyone you meet, and if you don’t realize it, then you are probably doing a bad job at it. People tend to want to be around other people who are succesful, intelligent, good at making money, or can provide them something they need. Nobody wants to hang out with the broke guy living at home with no aspirations, talents or ambitions.

As sad as it may be, it’s true that the better off you are doing, the more you will be liked. It’s human nature to admire those that succeed. So, the question is: How can you sell yourself?

A trillion books, articles and self-help manuals have been written on the subject of sales. While some require you to follow strict formulas and guidelines, others offer general helpful tips. As someone who has made a living (and a pretty decent one) off of the art of selling for the past 8 years, I am going to use this article to break the art of sales down into 2 very broad and basic categories, consisting of useful information I’ve acquired over the past near-decade. These can be applied to almost any situation, be it getting a job or a romantic interest:  Fact Finding & Presentation.

Fact Finding

This stage is crucial.  Ignorance is deadly.  If an army ever charged into battle without knowing anything about it’s opposition, it would be completely decimated.  As a matter of fact, there were plenty of armies that did this throughout history.  Do you know what there names were?  I don’t either, because they’re all dead.  And only the winners live on to tell the story (Sometimes with a little slight altercation for self-interest benefit!)

So, you want to get the girl.  And you absolutely love astronomy.  In an ideal world, every single female you are attracted to would also love astronomy.  But this is not an ideal world.  If it is, then why are you reading this self help article?

So you fact find.  You analyze what she is saying to get an idea of her interests.  The more you do this, the better you will get.  If your conversation goes like this:

You: Hey, do you know Bobby?
Her:  Oh, you mean the guy with the huge chain?
You: Yeah, him.  He hangs out with Steve.
Her: Oh, I know Steve.  He thinks he’s so cool with his Armani clothes and Mercedes with 20-inch rims.

Then, it’s pretty safe to assume you are talking to a person that values material objects.  If you start out a conversation with Einstein’s theory of relativity, you just lost the sale.  Once you know her interests and mindset, you need to rework your angles to suit her interests.  If your conversation doesn’t make sense to her, then you don’t make sense to her.  And if you don’t make sense to her, then she doesn’t need you around.  By talking about what she is interested in, you are selling yourself as worth her time.  (Author’s sarcastic recommendation: Don’t get this kind pregnant)

By the same token, if you walk into a job that requires knowledge of computer products, and you spend 15 minutes talking about how knowledgeful you are in scuba diving equipment and lawnmower repair, expect to be wearing your favorite job interview suit again very soon.

Be prepared.  You cannot devise your plan if you don’t know what to base it off of.  Listen and learn.  Fact find.  Knowledge is power, and power is never a bad thing.

Presentation

Now you have the knowledge.  But having it doesn’t do you any good if your target doesn’t know you have it.  You need put what you know to good use in order to move forward.  If you live in your head, your gains will stay in your head.

But on top of just showing you have the knowledge, you need to know how people who have this knowledge would effectively present it.  Presentation includes effective speech, proper use of language and inclusion/avoidance of specific key phrases, and matching energy levels.

People tend to be primarily logic- or emotion-based.  (Studies have shown men to be more logic-based, while women more emotion-based.)  So if your target is a high-strung, emotion-based adrenaline junkie and you present what you have to say in a Ben Stein, monotone pattern of speech, the message is not going to get across.  What you’re saying and how you’re saying it need to match.  They need to make sense.  Certain things just don’t go together in our minds.  And an extremely exciting person talking very low and boring just doesn’t compute.  By the same token, the 6-figure making business-minded executive interviewing you doesn’t want to see how fun and exciting you are.  He wants you to be a bland, business-minded employee that can effectively accomplish the needs of the position.

Learn to match what you are saying with how you are saying it.  And make sure it is an effective combination to convince your target.

It’s all a sale, so don’t short change yourself.